In countless workplaces, there is culture of “toxic professionalism”—where civility and politeness are prioritized above accountability and equity. This culture perpetuates the status quo, silences dissent, and protects power structures.
To create genuinely inclusive and equitable environments, we must dismantle these toxic patterns by embracing discomfort, asking hard questions, and taking meaningful action.
"If you want to make a difference, you won’t always be liked. Choose to be brave over being nice."
Glennon Doyle
Identifying Toxic Professionalism
Toxic professionalism is an unhealthy workplace culture or attitude where rigid and often unrealistic standards of behavior, appearance, or work ethic are prioritized over the well-being and individuality of employees.
It often manifests in enforcing a facade of perfection, silencing dissent, and valuing productivity or conformity above human needs, creativity, and psychological safety.
Common Examples
Unrealistic Expectations: Expecting employees to respond to emails or messages outside of working hours without additional compensation or acknowledgment.
Masking Authenticity: Discouraging employees from expressing their individuality or personal challenges, such as expecting them to hide mental health struggles or caregiving responsibilities.
Punishing Emotional Expression: Deeming displays of emotion as unprofessional, even when they are appropriate to the situation (e.g., expressing frustration or sadness during crises).
Prioritizing Appearance Over Substance: Emphasizing strict dress codes, physical appearance, or demeanor over job performance or results.
Silencing Dissent: Discouraging constructive criticism or alternative viewpoints in the name of maintaining harmony or avoiding conflict.
Glorification of Overwork: Celebrating long hours, burnout, or sacrificing personal time as signs of commitment and dedication.
Weaponizing "Professionalism": Using "professionalism" as a tool to marginalize or exclude individuals based on their race, gender, cultural expressions, or other identities (e.g., penalizing those with certain skin tones, hairstyles or accents).
Avoidance of Difficult Conversations: Prioritizing surface-level niceness over addressing conflicts or systemic issues that need resolution.
Lack of Flexibility: Refusing to adapt policies or practices to accommodate different needs, such as remote work, flexible hours, or parenting responsibilities.
Enforcing Hierarchical Power Dynamics: Treating employees as "less than" because of their rank, withholding decision-making power, or expecting blind obedience without room for dialogue.
Sad Truth: Most workplaces don't want critical innovators. They want worker bees to do what they’re told. Have the courage to be disliked.
The Cost of “Niceness”
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. warned of the “white moderate” who prioritizes order over justice. Today this looks like individuals or organizations avoiding accountability under the guise of professionalism. But professionalism isn’t about avoiding discomfort—it’s about doing the right thing, even when it’s hard.
The expectation of a pleasant, agreeable demeanor comes at the expense of addressing inequities. This behavior often protects those in positions of privilege while marginalizing others. When leaders or organizations focus on maintaining “harmony” rather than addressing systemic issues, they uphold the very inequities they claim to challenge.
"Toxic Niceness protects and benefits people of privilege while negatively affecting people of marginalized identities."
Vu Le
Why Asking Hard Questions Matters
At the heart of overcoming toxic professionalism is the willingness to be, and cause, discomfort. And that starts with asking tough questions and navigating difficult conversations. These inquiries and instances challenge assumptions, uncover blind spots, and push teams to think critically and act proactively.
Workplace Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives fail when they’re treated as checkboxes rather than commitments. Asking hard questions ensures these efforts move beyond performance and into action.
It's not about being confrontational or difficult, but about fostering growth and accountability. Here are a few examples of hard questions worth asking:
“What risks have we identified with this decision, and how are we preparing to mitigate them?”
“Who’s missing from this conversation, and how can we ensure their voices are heard?”
“Does this align with our stated values, and if not, what needs to change?”
“How does this decision impact marginalized communities, and are we adequately addressing their concerns?”
Are salaries equitable, transparent, and reflective of lived experiences and expertise
Are hiring practices designed to break down systemic barriers?
Is leadership truly inclusive, or are decisions still concentrated in privileged hands
These questions may feel awkward, but they’re necessary to ensure that actions align with values. They're also key in fostering a culture of openness, deep reflection, and continuous improvement within a team or organization. In other words, the benefits far outweigh the challenges!
"Doing whateever is needed to keep the peace and ensure the comfort of powerful, privileged people requires a great deal of physical and emotional labor.
Looking Behind the Curtain
"Performative Social Justice" refers to superficial actions or statements that give the appearance of supporting equity, diversity and inclusion without enacting meaningful or lasting change.
At its core, performative equity does little to nothing to actually dismantle systemic inequities or improve outcomes for marginalized communities. This is because it often prioritizes optics over substance, doing any of the following while still maintaining inequitable practices
issuing public statements
hosting one-time events
celebrating diversity for marketing purposes
creating underfunded equity initiatives
failing to track progress on key goals.
The deliberate redistribution of Power- away from traditional top-down decision making, towards group/stakeholder authority, seems like an impossible task. After all, power is rarely relinquished voluntarily as leaders would have to be convinced of the larger benefits - workplace fairness and cultural transformation, over individual gain. And that unfortunately, is not the way most Americans are wired or conditioned.
In order to achieve sustainable, lasting change we must strive to go beyond surface-level efforts by addressing structural inequalities and fostering shared power. The DEI movement can't succeed until executive leaders first understand what it means (both for themselves, and the collective) to cede power, and are seriously committed to it. Until then, the only changes that occur will be the ones that aim to preserve the current power structure.
Niceness is surface-level - it's doing what's easiest to be like. Kindness goes deeper though. It’s about genuinely caring for others, even if it's uncomfortable or hard.
Cheers to the Change-Agents
Being a modern leader often means challenging norms, which can be lonely and frustrating—especially in organizations resistant to change. It’s not personal; it's actually quite normal for established systems and structures to question, reject or be offended or threatended by disruption or new ideas.
Resilience for Change Agents & Activists
Prepare for the worst. To navigate tension and conflict you must find and keep your power in tact. Protect your mental health, find a support network, and intentionally safe-guard your self-esteem. Also set clear boundaries and avoid emotionally investing too much if the hill turns out to be too big to climb.
Filter feedback and rise above the noise: take advice only from trusted, admired sources. They will call you too much, too bold, opinionated, difficult, contradictory, and so much more.
Nurture your self-confidence, hone your intuition and continue to spread love and authenticity wherever you go. Don't shrink yourself- bold ideas drive meaningful change and progress. In both favorable and unfavorable times, stay the course and keep working.
You weren’t made to blend in; you're here to stand out. You weren't made to be liked. You're here to make a difference. Let your light shine unapologetically.You're buiding something extraordinary.
Embracing Accountability and Action
Accountability is not a punishment; it’s an opportunity for growth. Accountability requires consistent evaluation and action, not just words on a mission statement.
To build healthier, more equitable workplaces, we must:
Call Out Harmful Practices: Publicly address inequitable behaviors, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Acknowledge Power Dynamics: Recognize and challenge who holds power in the room and who does not.
Take Risks: Leaders must be willing to disrupt the status quo, even if it means temporary discomfort or pushback.
Identify White Fragility: The defensive reactions often exhibited when caucasian individuals are confronted with issues of race is a significant barrier to equity.
Acknowledging Discomfort: Accept that these conversations will be challenging but necessary for growth.
Decentering Privilege: Shift focus from protecting privileged feelings to addressing inequities.
Committing to Change: Understand that change takes sustained effort, humility, and a willingness to make mistakes.
"Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to act despite it. Sometimes, bravery means risking discomfort to challenge inequity."
Maya Angelou
Be Brave, Not Nice
If organizations and workplaces are going to preach the values of diversity, equity and inclusion then they must keep examining, challenging and disrupting systems of power and privilege.
To overcome toxic professionalism, we must prioritize bravery over niceness. This means asking the hard questions, challenging inequities, and taking meaningful action.
While it’s important to treat others with respect, we must also recognize when the pursuit of “niceness” has become an obstacle to justice. After all, perpetuating inequity and injustice isn’t nice at all.
Be a leader. Do the work. Ask the hard questions. Challenge the systems. Let them hate you, judge you, misunderstand you. Stay focused and fierce. Change begins when we choose courage over comfort, every single day.
Erin Ratliff is a holistic, organic growth + visibility business coach and consultant serving energy-sensitive soul-preneurs, heart-led self-starters/founders with the mission of personal and planetary healing.
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